My mom died on September 6 2011. How crazy is that? She fought a good fight but cancer kicked her ass literally and figuratively. The last picture of her was in April when her sister came for a visit. I hardly recognized her. It's sad that cancer can change someones looks so much.
Someone dieing at the age of 53 is not right. She still had years, she was still healthy, she still had grandkids she'll never meet. There was still so much I wanted to do with her.... I wasn't finished with her. My brothers weren't finished with her.
I think it says alot about a person, the amount of people who come to share at a funeral/memorial. She effected people greatly. I don't even think she knew how much she effected these people. I know for a fact if we were somewhere more central, mom's memorial would have been over flowing and not with people who felt obligated to come. These would have been people who knew her and loved or hated her.
Mom fought stage 4 colon cancer, she was diagnosed a year and half ago. I'm sure she had it longer but her being her never went and got checked. Some of it was the doctors she saw initially, some of it was her fault. I read somewhere that stage 4 you have about 2 years. She knew and never said anything..... never said anything. She wouldn't even tell me it was colon cancer it was always bowel cancer. Or this hospital doesn't do stages.
I spoke with her the night she died. She sounded in so much pain. Her words were slurred and she sounded tired. It was a 2 minute conversation. Hi mom I just wanted to check on you. How's the leg? Oh it's getting better. I feel so much better. Then she was talking to a nurse, I think she was getting changed. I'm going to stay in the hospital until I get this leg fixed. I said did Barb call you? Yes I talked with her for a bit. I have to sleep now, I'm tired bye baby. That was it the last conversation I had with my mom hours before she died. I got off the phone and told Dustin.. she's not doing well, she doesn't sound good at all. I had planned on phoning her doctor in the morning and found out what was going on. Talking with mom's friend later I found out that mom planned to be found in the morning by one of her favorite nurses. She knew.... she knew... and said nothing. I'm angry over that, things feel undone. She died by herself, I never got to say goodbye.
I never took my kids or husband with me to the funeral. With where she lived and what we had to do, we cleaned out her apartment. We traveled 20 hours to NS to bury her with her father. Something I know she would have wanted. She loved him even though she's spent more of her life without him then with him. I want my kids to be able to say goodbye. I want the feeling that she knew how much we cared for her.
If you have cancer or some other disease where you know the diagnose is not good. Please tell your family. Yes you have the right to die how you want. But your family needs to know, they need time to prepare... they need to be able to say goodbye. You can't go along and say everything is fine, I'm getting better, I'm doing o.k. when you know you're not. When you die yes it will be a shock but maybe your family will be alittle prepared. Maybe they will be able to wrap their heads around how it could happen.
I'm hoping there is a heaven where every now and then mom; you'll look down on us and smile.
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